The First Monday Musing by Meg

This is the official kickoff of my website and my Monday Musings with Meg Blog. Be on the look out for future Monday Musings. My purpose is to disseminate informational gems, perhaps entertain a few, and hopefully help others. I want kids, teens, and adults to see that psychotherapists use the skills we teach in our own life. Additionally, I have a little personal goal of overcoming my own anxieties regarding writing, publication on social platform, and public opinion. Why am I anxious of those 3 things? Let me explain.

Writing, for me, produces anxiety through my entire body. Even if my only reader is my mom,( who, by the way, I will need to pester until she reads the post), I will still want my words to genuinely and accurately reflect my thoughts. I want my posts to reflect my compassion, concern, knowledge, and dedication towards advocating for the mental health awareness of children, teens, and families. Despite my excitement towards writing and maybe making a tiny difference in the world, my anxiety snakes into my mind. It reminds me how easy it would be to assume that my writing is perfectly enjoyable, sensible, and logical! My anxiety mocks my sophomoric confidence with negative, self-doubting thoughts that slither in and out of awareness. Just like I would tell anyone else, I see those snakes and remind myself that those are just thoughts. They do not need to have meaning or even reflect reality. Negative thoughts like, “This is stupid. You are stupid.” or “No one will care.”, could be true, but it does not help me focus on them. Even though writing triggers these thoughts, I will surf these waves filled of snakes and move forward. I am scared, and might even fall, but I am willing to try, which I remind myself as I continue to type.

Secondly, I am old. I don’t seem old. I think it is because I like to read Marvel comic books, love to whistle, or laugh a lot. Regardless, I promise, I have a decent number of decades in this skeleton. Social media platforms intimidate me; I am not going to pretend otherwise. Do you remember when the internet did not exist? I do. I remember when it was created and made available. I remember my first email account. I think, that along with the majority of my peers, I did a decent job of embracing technology. However, social media’s user-friendly platform quickly turns first drafts into final drafts without anyone editing or proofreading for you. EeK! Not only will there be spelling and grammatical errors, but I am not going to always make sense, yet I will publish. I am going to have run on sentences, weird ideas, and be wrong in a published blog. On top of that anyone can read, laugh, or even mock me. Double Eek! However, I am inspired by my teen patients who creatively and easily write online. I want to kick my anxious thoughts about social media to the back of my brain.

Finally, I am anxious about public opinion. As much as I wish it not to be true what others think does matter. Honestly, I rely on referrals from my fellow mental health providers, past patients, friends, families, and the community. What if they don’t like what I say? or What if they don’t agree? or What if they think I am stupid? I work so hard. Eek! Eek! I could easily drown in these negative, snake-filled waves. Yes, I do care about what others think. However, I care more about trying to help others, while also, believing in myself just enough to let those thoughts fade. In general, not everyone is going to like what you do, say, feel, or even write. It is okay if not everyone likes it. It is even okay if others hate it and roast it to pieces. That is anyone’s right, and I respect that. Social media writing is like many other endeavors in the world in that you have to be able to accept the fact that humans don’t agree on many things. What you call blue might be purple to some or even green and yellow to others. The quality or even importance of my writing will be one of those things. I still hope my Mom likes it though.

I hope you now understand my anxiety about writing my blog. You might even notice that I, like many, many other psychotherapists out there, am trying my best to use the same tools I teach. In this case, I am aware of my anxiety and work to mindfully let it go. I visualize those negative thoughts into snakes and waves that are trying to overtake me. I am telling you, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, is pretty powerful stuff! It makes a huge difference in managing anxiety.

Thank you for reading my first post. Namaste